Founder’s note: A wonderful guest post from Apple Aviles, an OPM Enthusiast and a Social Media Specialist. Using lessons from the story of the monk, we learn how to deal with one of the most challenging emotions we can experience: Anger.
Being human, we can’t escape from anger, misunderstanding and brokenness no matter how we learn how to heal it and hold it. Let me share some views and lessons inspired by the lines and knowledge from one unknown monk.
The monk questions why it is seemingly natural for human nature to let out anger and voice out their emotions by shouting. While this may be okay if done alone in a quiet room or place, the situation is different when it is done publicly and at another person. When people lose calm, they get too anxious that they do not care about their manner of speaking.
The tone of voice becomes different, as well as the pitch. Especially when the other person is just sitting right next to you, you can tell him why you are angry without transforming into a “Hulk.” In a soft manner, you can have understanding and communication by directly pointing out what went wrong and what bugs you. Here’s the scenario of the monk: One of the monk’s students asked him, “Why do people shout in anger shout at each other? Is it because we lose our calm?” Another asked, “Why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.” He just then replied, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot.
To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.” Another question pop out from one of his students, “What happens when two people fall in love?”
The monk smile and answered “They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small… When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper ‘n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper; they only look at each other ‘n that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.”
All of his student quietly absorb every word their teacher said, then the monk added… “So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.” Anger makes hearts of people become distant. To quote the monk, “The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.”
In the same way, when people appreciate each other, they do not reprimand and berate others they care about. Instead, they talk softly as if their hearts are the ones speaking. Those who are in love do not need to talk explicitly at all, for love understands even in silence. True lovers can whisper and look at each other in the eye to easily forge connection.
Count to ten
This is basic but if you just take the time to breathe in and out while counting one to ten, you can manage to break away from stressful and tense situations. Before acting out loudly, think about the words and the manner of letting them out. Be void of frustrations and if you want, you can even close your eyes to make yourself calmer.
To vent out your anger, you can do aerobic activities such as simple exercises at home. This is to make your mind become lucid and make your thoughts very clear. Exercises come with good mental strength and good blood and oxygen circulation. So you can have an outlet for your emotions once they are nearing to erupt.You can go for a swim or a jog. You will then feel more relaxed after the workout.
Identify the cause of anger
Once you are angry, your brain would like to release all angry thoughts and you’d want to bark them out. But if you just practice analyzing the real reasons of your anger and consider that nothing will be fixed with your attitude, you will have the power to tame that fire inside you.
So ask yourself many questions on how your problem came to be and identify possible solutions without blaming anyone. Although being angry is a natural circumstance of being human, arguments with loud screams and hollers will only result to pain and further quarrelling. These instances will make the hearts grow distant. So as much as it is hard for you to keep away from doing this and practice anger management, you know this is the right thing to do. Do not be self-destructive and multiply the problems. Practice reaching out to the hearts of others to grow your relationships. To make the hearts close, don’t use sarcasm and express your anger with soft voice but with strong points to fuel both understanding and insight in tackling the problem.
Apple is a clayist, band vocalist and OPM enthusiast. Also likes eating, sleeping, art, skin tattoos and photography – learned some of it. She is currently working for a company as a social media specialist.